I wish I had the ambition to truly understand what I believe in.
I want to know my morals, my faith, my devotion- but I’m not motivated to discover it, not driven to learn the possibilities to what my passion, soul, and spirit can hold.
I work with a girl who I admire. She knows herself. She knows who she is, what she stands for, how she wants to live her life, and moreover – what her ideals are, where they came from, and how they can be strengthened. I want to be like her, I want to be assured that in times of crisis, I have a foundation of myself to stand on.
I know this is not a question of faith or religion. My outlook on faith is that it is a personal relationship with yourself and your idea of a higher being. Religion and/or denomination, be it Catholic, Buddhist, Shamanism, hold the same underlying principle in my mind- hope and faith in something greater than ourselves. While faith is personal, I believe religion/denomination is a community relationship between individuals and their faith. Perhaps this is where my crisis lies.
Spiritually I am void of any education and therefore lack the knowledge to concrete my beliefs and principles. I stray away from structured practices which could education me, since faith for me is a personal experience, and intimate experience, and often a solitary one. Therefore, I have confidence in the strength of capacity of my faith, but lack the knowledge in how I should practice/live it.
Perhaps this is an expected crossroad to come to in ones life. When you reach the point where you’re deciding what standards of moral/faith/spirit you’re going to hold yourself responsible for, it’s important that you discover a set which that is personal to you- not what you’ve grown up with, not what you’ve been taught is right or wrong, but yet an individual set of standards. Moreover, the value of these silos may not be in the strength of their distinction, but yet the path you take in discovering their existence, and the engery in which you exert to make them integrated into your life.
